he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dick has a subreddit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
