I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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