i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
