I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
