Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
