He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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