i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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