I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
