I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
