weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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