and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
