before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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