WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
