it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
