dude i'm inner monologue high
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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