i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
