I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
