i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
