the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This baby is an asshole
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
