there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
