We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
this must be what syphilis tastes like
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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