You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
