I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
