I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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