She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
