You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
