You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
