In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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