1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
