It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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