the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
