yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
