Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
