I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
