Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
