its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think im going to throw up on grandma
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
