I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
