my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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