His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
