dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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