I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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