put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
