i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just high enough for therapy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
