it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
