Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
