Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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