your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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