i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
