Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
