shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have demons in me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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