im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
