is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
