I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
