What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
