she woke up with a sticky ear
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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