Pants 0. Shit 1.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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