I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
