I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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