She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
