have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
