His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
