I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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